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Monday, October 30, 2006

Uncle Ralphie's Free Will Eulogy

marcythewhore says: Family things overheard at the weekend funeral: "Thank God for the war in Iraq. It is doing so much to promote the technology of prosthetic limb replacement here in America."

So, everyone got their say in during Uncle Ralphie's funeral over the weekend, both before and after and during the one helluva good party Aunt Judy threw (I sure won't get that kind of party when I kick the proverbial bucket.....but why should I care, I won't be there anyway).

I got to do my little eulogy thingee for Uncle Ralphie, and I did my infamous free will eulogy where I get up on my tiptoes waving my hands in the air up above my head like in Fantasia's Mickey Mouse as the wizard directing the orchestra of dancing brooms while incanting: "Rise up, Uncle Ralphie! You have free will! You don't have to be dead! Rise up!"

Followed by silence as the church assemblage all and every one of them craned their necks and perked their ears as though waiting for the sound of creaky hinges as the coffin lid opens from inside and Uncle Ralphie comes bounding down off the catalfaque with all sorts of near-death white light stories to tell.

More silence.

The coffin lid did not budge.

So, I lower my hands down to akimbo my waist, boldly spread my feet and announced, "See, Uncle Ralphie wants to be dead!"

There was applause for free will.

Hail Messiah!
I'm not the Messiah!
I say You are, Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.
Hail Messiah!
I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly!
Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
He is! He is the Messiah!
Now, fuck off!
How shall we fuck off, O Lord?



A Free Will Eulogy is the right to jump in and edit whenever I feel like slapping someone silly:
While I was off doing funerary things I see that some were relating slapping the hell out of people as a form of free will.

Au Contrare, you Mike Tyson wannabees.

When I was just a little prostitute starting out in the massage parlor business, Uncle Ralphie used to ask me if there were any boys in my school class whose ass I could not kick. Uncle Ralphie told me from the get-go that if I had dreams of being a massage parlor Queen that I better be able to kick some stud ass in order to survive.l

You see, generally speaking from the vantage point of amateur bitch slappers, when you slap the hell out of someone it is simply because they are smaller than you and they have an addiction to masochistic inflicted pain. They want you to slap the hell out of them. They beg you to slap the hell out of them so they can enjoy that moment to moment of pain that they live for on a quotidian basis.

It's as much free will as saying to a heroin addict, "Well, you can just throw that needle away and don't use that stuff anymore," while they writhe in stomach agony about the floor.

And you, slapper of the slapsticks, you think you have free will because you can slap a masochist? Au Contrare again, mon amie. You are a sadist. Addicted to sadism and the slapping about of masochistic personalities. You can no more stop yourself from bitch slapping that masochist than the heroin addict can throw that needle away unused.

Now, if you really, really wanted to tempt free will you'd try to slap 'Bill.' And let me show you what happened to a couple of guys who tempted free will by trying to slap 'Bill.'

Kill Bill Vol.2 - Daimo Deleted Scene03:35
Deleted Scene from Kill Bill Vol.2Bill and Kiddo are confronted by students of Master Daimo as they seek revenge for his death against Bill, the man who killed him. A masterpiece caricature of old Hong Kong Kung-Fu Cinema!
Kill Bill Volume Two Daimo Deleted Scene Vol.2Added: 6 months ago in Category: EntertainmentFrom: horizon180Views: 9,477
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...........mtw (girlfighter)


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Saturday, October 28, 2006

cat's cradle

this just in...

the latest issue of guitar world has a strange article in it about guitarist jimmy page and occult filmmaker kenneth anger and a project that they tried to do together in the early 70's based on some of the writings of occult guru aleister crowley.

the weird connectivity spin it took was that somehow the project (and therefore the article about it) also tied in mick jagger, marianne faithful, the free hyde park and altamont speedway concerts, the grit of post-summer-of-love san francisco, eventually moving to bobby beausoleil and the tate-labianca murders.

but this wasn't the weird part- other than perhaps the obvious point that a whole bunch of everything ties and therefore leads to everything else.

what was weird was that on the way home from work on the evening that i would eventually read the article...

(having just launched an introduction to a unit in ninth grade arts education on both the avant garde and the late 1960's- a unit which would culminate in the listening to and analysis of the beatles' little appreciated musique concrete masterpiece, revolution9)

...i heard justify my love by madonna on the radio.

i don't think i ever actually saw the video back when it was too controversial to be shown on mtv, so i dialed it up on youtube (discovering very quickly why it was too saucy for regular mtv airplay- oops, time for a brain scrub) and sat thoughtfully considering the philosophical line that concludes the short madonna film:

"poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another."

why did this hit me so dumbly?

because aleister crowley's big permissiveness mantra was simply

"do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law"

i agree with solomon- there's nothing new, man. however, the tying together of the old and the older is a fascinating study in cause and coincidence.

so to what extent is the realm of the spiritual involved in this rather odd thread of the day that i was able to perceive... and to what extent does this involvement affect the threads that we fail to see?

if we fail to perceive something, is it any less real?

if we perceive, but fail to believe something, is it any less real?

and, having asked all of these questions, one more:
do i need to cancel my subscription to guitar world ???

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Friday, October 27, 2006

Existential Buddhism

existential buddhism
a way of thought
the tao
jack kerouac
charles manson
mother theresa
a jar of worms
no afterlife
no higher power
only abandonment of lives and societies
false instilled values
candle fingered three arm dances
on wind shoulder ice roses
growing backwards into straw hats
verlaines absinthe bad poetry
flaws and imperfections
confusion pain nonsense indulgance deprival
no rules or regulations
classical music
gradual loss of everything that meant nothing
imagined dancing buddhas
are men playing your eyes with
shit smelling roses
for another wedding funeral or hour

The greatest similarity exists between existentialism and Buddhism. The notions of impermanence and anatman (literally no-soul or no-self) in Buddhism imply we have no permanent essence. Personality is forged and changed through every experience. Every action generates karma (literally action) which accumulates and acts to generate consciousness. This cements a person's sense of being through the delusion that the self is a real entity. The self can be compared to a candle flame, constantly changing and flickering about, maintained only through the constant burning of oxygen, analogous to the delusions inherent in the acceptance of self and reality that act to maintain the self. The existential belief that we have no essence to begin with and that our essence lies in our actions, changing with each action, is very similar.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (Whistle along, it'll make you feel good....or at least it'll make you feel something).
Life Of Brian - Ending03:55
From: NekoChariViews: 26172
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Or just commit the act of a 'Fair Trade'?
SIN CITy02:46
SIN CITY QTAdded: 1 month ago in Category: EntertainmentFrom: buddViews: 1,617
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Your choice.......or is it? Do you really have free will? I doubt it. Fee will is not handed out freely. Which is why we don't give free happy ending massages in Marcythewhore's Chain of Chicago Based Massage Parlors................mtwhore

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Thursday, October 26, 2006


“Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.”

(Barbara Johnson)

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Killing Serial Killers While Eulogizing Uncle Ralphie:

Marcythewhore wrote to thank everyone for the eulogies:

Last night a few of us family members got together to reminisce about Uncle Ralphie who died this past Tuesday. To accentuate the occasion we gathered around the television to watch the six o’clock news report on the execution of serial killer Danny Rollings in the put-‘em-to-sleep center in Starke, Florida (okay, we Italians have a personalized view of death that gets bizarrely humorous without it meaning to be, which makes the act all that more weirdly dark type humorous).

Well, we didn’t exactly get to watch serial killer Danny Rollings get the needle. There are some who want to televise executions, while there are others who are content to just have executions fictionally portrayed using really advanced special effects technology, so as to spare our children from the harsh realities of death by court order (hey, don’t complain you Americans. In neighboring Canada they don’t even have the death penalty…those wimps who cheer hockey players beating each other to bloody pulps out on the ice…….go figure).

The six o’clock news focused on all the people gathered outside the Starke prison waiting for the word that Danny Rollings had been off-ed. The six o’clock news reporter pointed out that in the old days of the Starke electric chair euphemistically nicknamed ‘Old Sparky,’ after the condemned had been fried, someone from the prison window would wave a white flag signifying that the execution had been completed. Someone suggested that the act got too reminiscently close to resembling the tradition of sending up the plume of White Smoke the Vatican uses to signify the choosing of a new pope, news of Danny Rollings’ execution was transmitted by the more electronically sophisticated method of landline telephone, e-mail, I-mail, cell phone and youtube on the internet.

As for the memory of the electric chair that could, in 1989, serial killer Theodore Bundy (not related to Al Bundy of ‘Married With Children Fame) was smoked in ‘Old Sparky’ after having killed five students in the Florida State University area of Tallahassee . Ted Bundy got convicted of the Florida State co-ed killings by the bite marks he left on the victim’s bodies If you want to see what Ted Bundy looked like after being zapped by about a million, zillion volts, go here:

Anyway, Danny Rolling killed five students in Gainesville , near the University of Florida campus, raped them (some after they were dead) and even cut off a head or two. Which I guess meant the sodomizing of corpses precluded the oral kind………then, again….who really knows what order of slicing and raping Danny Rolling followed that sick and twisted weekend of sixteen years ago (oddly, both the U. of Florida and Florida State University are a short drive to Starke Prison where then ‘Old Sparky,’ and now ‘Happy Needle Time’ both did their business).

Now, if this illustrating of serial killing and execution of serial killers seems a bit too graphic for tender tastes, compare those illustrations to the six o’clock images of the small gathering of protestors denouncing the execution of Danny Rollings in Starke yesterday (pretty much the same bunch who were there when Ted Bundy got the chair in 1989).

Okay, now let’s examine the argument that capital punishment does not deter crime: Ted Bundy got the chair in 1989 for killing six co-eds near the Florida State University campus……and a year later, in 1990, Danny Rollings killed four co-eds and a male former football player near the University of Florida campus (don’t those copy-cat serial killers just irk you?).

Ah, yes. Life is precious and nobody should have the power to take one, or two, or thirty eight or a hundred (or however many Ted Bundy killed…..they’re still counting the recently unearthed corpses). The debate goes on.

Now, I have a plan to settle the debate over capital punishment, pro and con. And it doesn’t entail voting on the question. Mainly because I personally believe that electronic voting machines that vote for you no longer serves any democratic purpose. I’m more in favor of divination to settle a debate. There’s the I-Ching. Toss and read some rattlesnake bones. Study the messaging swirls of smoke from a campfire. Whatever.

So, how about a football game decides the debate over pro and con capital punishment?

Yes, indeed, let’s let the upcoming annual U. of Florida-Florida State U. football game decide whether or not we should continue executing serial killers in Florida (the really simple solution would be that serial killers just quit coming to Florida altogether…..but apparently serial killers like the weather…which may explain some why Canada doesn’t bother with executions…the weather there is too shitty to further ruin the mood of the vengeful mass public).

Since Ted Bundy terrorized the U. of Florida campus, and Danny Rollings terrorized the Florida State campus, in the upcoming U. of Florida-Florida State U. game, one team will represent the pros of capital punishment, the other team will represent the cons against capital punishment. The winner of this year’s annual Florida football classic will determine whether or not the execution of serial killers will continue.

Now, as for which team will represent the pros, and which team will represent the cons, somebody will have to sort out that little detail.

One other thing: In honor of my Uncle Ralphie who died this past Tuesday, instead of calling this year’s game the Florida-Florida State game, let’s call it the Uncle Ralphie game. Just his one year. Like a eulogy.

While I am on the subject of eulogies for my Uncle Ralphie (and I have received some really interesting condolences), allow me to thank several inventive mourners.

Thank you to the nice person who sent me the instructions on snake whacking

A sincere thanks to person who sent me the Monty Python eulogy starring the killing duo of the Pirhana brothers:

And last but not least, thanks to the kind hearted soul who sent me the photo of the ghost of the notorious London gangster twin Reggie Kray sitting in a pub in Thorpe St. Anderew:




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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Kray Twins---Bound By Blood

marcythewhore says: My Uncle Ralphie died today. He was a twin to my Uncle Johnny (who may well die before too long as it is...they say that twins don't survive without each other for too long).

But I am not here to bury Uncle Ralphie.

I'm here to honor the memory of Uncle Ralphie through the ersatz memory the notorious Kray Twins of England's organized crime urban legend fame (every bit of it true, the Kray twins did indeed use a pirate's sword to impale an enemy gangster).

So, in honor of Uncle Ralphie I bring you a ten second clip from the movie 'The Krays---Bound by Blood.'

Director Peter Medak's gritty voyage into the world of organized crime in 1960s London is a disturbing character study of the two most frightening and influential gangsters to ever come out of England, Ronnie and Reggie Kray. The ingenious casting of former pop icons Gary and Martin Kemp (of Spandau Ballet) as the powerful Kray brothers works well, establishing an eerie, unspoken connection between the two that is unsettling and extremely daunting.



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Monday, October 23, 2006

Chariots of Fire

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Airplane passengers subdued and then duct-taped a man who was pacing the aisle and reading loudly from the Bible during a flight from Hawaii, police and witnesses said.

No one was injured, and the man was handed over to authorities after the plane landed at Los Angeles International Airport early Sunday, said Sgt. Carl Sansbury of the airport police.

Brian Eager, 36, of Austin, Texas, was held for 72 hours to undergo a psychological examination, FBI Special Agent Matt McLaughlin said.


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Thursday, October 19, 2006

Jesus Camp


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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

a continuous battlefield

In the last few months it's seems like my life has been a continuous battlefield. The difficult part is I don't always recognize it for what it really is, get blindsided before I know it and then withdraw into 'survival mode'. I become oblivious to what's going on around me and simply try to do what I can to make it through to the next day. Slowly but surely I'm realizing that I need to be more prepared...constantly prepared for what might come. Instead of going into 'survival mode', I need to get to my 'safe place'...on my knees in prayer, deep in the Word of God and instead of withdrawing from people, I need to continually be walking into His sanctuary and fellowshipping with the body of Christ. I think it's a really clever ploy of the enemy...for me, when things are going good, I tend to let my guard down...slack off...that's usually when I get hammered the hardest. Also, the whole concept of thinking you are better off alone to figure things out, instead of having people around you to help be your shield and a soundboard.

The simple truth of the matter is, we all endure the battlefield in one way or another, at some point and time. I read a quote a few months ago in the book, "The Beginner's Guide to Spiritual Warfare" by Neil T. Anderson and Timothy M. Warner. It gave me a pretty clear perspective of what that battlefield truly is...opened my eyes to the fact I'm not as ready as I should be and that I need to be battle-ready all the time!

"The difference between military warfare and spiritual warfare is that we are always in the battle, whether we realize it or not. The difference is that in spiritual warfare the enemy cannot be seen. Our struggle is not against people with flesh and bones but against spirits from the realm of Satan. People may well become involved in the struggle as the instruments Satan uses against us, but the real battle is spiritual. This means that we always need to be battle-ready. There is no such thing as a safe place, if by that we mean a place where the enemy is not a present threat. The only sanctuary we have is our position 'in Christ'. We are not helpless victims in this war, but we are told to be always on guard, because we never know when or where the enemy will launch one or his deceptive attacks."

The question I'm discerning in my head today...When do you chalk something up as a battle and when do you recognize it as a test? They both have valued, but vastly different purposes.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."
~ Soren Kierkegaard


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Sunday, October 15, 2006


"But sometimes I wonder if we have under-estimated the power of silence. When is the last time you have been in the presence of God and not said a word? ... If we continue making all the noise and not taking the time to hear from the Father, we risk the chance of forgetting why we started making noise in the first place."

~ Bart Millard

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

scareway to heaven

i remember it well.

i was thirteen years old and we were visiting some fundie friends of ours in california... (it was the same trip that i bought my bonzaii board from a real california skate shop so that i could be one of the z-boys in both spirit and gear)

it was then and there that i heard it for the first time: KINGS IN SATAN'S SERVICE

no way! not my favourite band! serving satan? how can it be... but it's right there in the name... but how can something so good be so bad? all the youth leaders were right...

i remember tossing and turning in my campervan bunk, trying to figure out how i could have been so betrayed by my aesthetic. by the time we arrived home a week later, i had resolved to destroy all of these offensive records and begin my musically spiritual (or spiritually musical- can't decide which) journey again. i took a crowbar to my beloved record collection and then tore the covers to shreds before tossing them into the fireplace, half expecting to hear screams from the demons inside or something as the flames consumed them. to my surprise (and minor-league disappointment) nothing really fantastic happened- just a lot of smoke.

it was not long, however, before i fell off the wagon.

led zeppelin pushed me off.

great big long songs, tolkien-meets- robert johnson poetry, wild other-worldly guitar solos... these guys were the hammer of the gods. it was obvious to me that it had happened again- there was a forbidden-fruitness factor that could not be ignored.

one night my best friend was sleeping over (i had bunk-beds, so this was a really easy set up) and we had the album the song remains the same playing while we talked on into the wee hours. something creepy happened at about the 18-minute mark of the live version of dazed and confused... we found ourselves talking about satan, sensing a present darkness growing in the room with each word in the exchange. all at once, i realized it's this music! and quickly shut off the machine. abruptly, the line to hell went dead. i resolved to never listen to that song again.

other zeppelin was okay, though.

until i heard about how satan was playing the musicians in the band, prompting them to write lyrics that, when played backwards, were demonic incantations and the like. this was apparently, in the view of many, why they were so successful. this was also why there had been a string of horrible disasters take place which would escalate to eventually claiming lives along the way (beginning with robert plant's son and ending with drummer john bonham in 1980.) it was like something out of edgar allan poe, this deal that promised fame and riches with a heavy bi-product of tragedy.

over time, songs were dropped one by one from my personal playlist which was becoming more and more aesthetically narrow. i remember even participating in a debate during youth group one night as to whether christian kids should listen to rock music: i was okay with this, just not secular rock... only the scared kind.

see, at that time life for me was polarized with the secular being on one side and the scared being on the other... nope- no typo there. the sacred had long since been replaced by the scared.

everything about my faith experience in the late 70's, early 80's seemed to turn around fear... not so much around a fear of God (ie biblical reverence) as a fear of everything that wasn't God. after all, it was an awful world and Jesus was coming soon to claim his own. the challenge to us all was to stay clean enough (?) and yet still lead others in praying a prayer of acceptance to Jesus. (yeah, there were a couple of pieces found in the gospel that seemed to be lost in practice.)

one of the big dangers was, of course, rock music. demons would sit waiting in records for unsuspecting young people to buy them; ready to leap out and into the heart of the kid once the shrinkwrap was pealed back from the album. i remember a show i was at where christian protest-singer larry norman mused (in the fashion and attitude of the screwtape letters by c.s. lewis) upon the severe disciplining that a junior demon might receive from a superior one should he climb into a neil diamond record by accident, forced to remain there unpurchased until Jesus came again!

the thing is, i think that satan and his crew are pretty good at playing the fear card- upon us as well as probably each other. all bullies operate this way... so do all terrorists.

terrorists thrive on fear. often to elicit the desired fear quotient in a population, they will use disinformation campaigns. (the fact that even 'benevolent' governments use the same tactics upon their own in order to psychologically fashion and shape the desired world view of the people is probably a whole nother blog... conspiracy theories abound in the blogosphere!) but we all know how it works: getting people to imagine threats that don't even exist is much more economically feasible than actually posing them for real, and is sometimes even more effective in seeing the larger disruption and control objectives realized.

well i remember all the preaching, all the youth talks, all the worried looks; i remember the central idea... the fear of course. we were supposed to listen only to this and do only that for fear of totally losing ourselves amidst some profane counterfeit of joy. it occurs to me now that, as art so often involves self discovery for both the artist and the audience, we were being taught to fear the discovery that the powerfully emotive (and arguably primal) force of rock and roll was natural... this was a gnostic fear, as though the energy shared back and forth was too human, too physical and therefore inherently evil.

i don't think that the rock bands were as instrumental to the overall decline of christian spirituality in western civilization as we were led to believe. in fact, i think that those who preached a message of fear and cultural disengagement were far more useful in this endeavor.

every time someone preached hellfire and spiritual paranoia, especially using bizarre interpretations of perceived bandname acronyms, young people were being aesthetically anaesthetized by well-intentioned pawns of a common enemy. everytime someone instilled fear in young people by encouraging them to beware of possible subliminal messages hidden from their natural ear but somehow registered by their unconscious mind, young people would go back to their dorm rooms and manually spin the records backwards listening for the voice of the devil himself. if the whole point was to not be unwittingly subjected to spiritually negative messages hidden between the grooves, then to be actively seeking such messages seems a bit- er- misguided and counterproductive to me.

but maybe i'm just rebelling now that i'm a grown up. who can say?

in any event, i invite you to hear for yourself and draw your own conclusions about the whole backwards masking thing by going to jeff milner's site and turning up the speakers.

if it helps you to leave the lights on, then be my guest. just don't make your life a testimony to a gospel of fear and loathing.

PS: two things:

1) i ended up buying all of these records again years later. my record collection now contains nearly 2000 titles in record (1200) CD (600) and cassette (100 ew!) nope, i never learned...

2) i agree with jeff's theory that the pokemon theme IS inherently evil!

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Monday, October 09, 2006

excuse me, do you have the time?


i just wish that some people didn't put such an investment of their lives in to this empty concept of time. deadlines and class times, learning schedules and meeting minutes are all wastes of energy and distraction from what should be taking place... people demand my time, and yet time is not mine to give... i can buy time for my cell phone, but i can't find the time to spend with family or friends? so i qualify the minutes i spend with them as 'quality' time, but even qualifying minutes is an empty idea. time is what distracts my life from being completely focused.

if friends want to get together with me... let's get together now... or not now, cuz i'm with someone else.. or come, join us - it will be good time...

late?!?! 'no man, you're not late...' The time you arrive is the time you arrive. arriving at 4:00 is just as good as arrive at 2:00, especially when there is no demands for your time at 6:00 (BOY do i hate being told that i'm late...).

Brendtro, Brokenleg & Bockern (with a quote from Steve Charlston)

Perhaps the most damaging proof of the child's unimportance is the shrinking amout of attention from adults who "don't have time." Steve Charlston, a Native American professor of theology, describes this tyranny of time in Western culture:

We have been fooled into believing time is real; it isn't, of course. It is an invention of the human mind for describing change and motion. Not until very recently have humans ever tried to govern their life activity by numbers generated by a tiny machine. The great cycle of seasons and of the day, the natural development of growth, these were time. The rest is only as real as we want it to be. And as demanding.
Charlston reminds us of the many idioms we have invented to describe something that doesn't exist: We make time, save time, spend time, waste time, borrow time, budget time, invest time, and manage time until, in exhaustion, we call a time out.

In Contrast to time, relationships are real. They exist in the intimate spaces of our lives where we narrow the distance between ourselves and others. Family, friendship, community-these are the bonds of reality. Today these bonds are being torn apart by the hands of Western time. We invoke another "time word" to mask the continued destruction of love in our society: it is called "quality" time. Now not only are we quantifying time, we are qualifying it. We are willing into existence the illusion that love can be measured by seconds or minutes; that "human relastionship can be made warm in the microwave of quick encounters"

the article continues to talk about how time has not served a good purpose in our society, especially with regards to relationships. consider how angry someone gets at a good friend, even family, if they are so much as late for an appointment. should time have the power to ruin relationships?

I dont' know where to go with this, but it's nice that someone else is thinking what i'm thinking. don't you think?


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being negative

harvest, football season, summer... because in canada, everything seems to end sooner except two things (winter and the school year)

it's thanksgiving day here. i thought that i would try my hand at being thankful without being all predictable- i mean, i am incredibly grateful to God for peace and freedom and health and wealth and family and friends and all that, but i thank him for those things everyday. thanksgiving should be a raising of the gratefulness bar, right?

so here are ten things that i'm really thankful to NOT have to deal with...
(by the way, they are only numbered so that i know how many i have typed so far- they are not in any but random order)

1) i've never had to sleep on the couch because i did something stupid

2) i've never had to act covertly because my faith is illegal

3) i've never had to frantically drive around all night looking for one of my kids

4) i've never had to beg for food or clothing or shelter

5) i've never had to fear for the lives of those i love

6) i've never had to forgive my wife nor be forgiven by her for betrayal of trust

7) i've never had to face the possibility that i may die today due to illness

8) i've never had to hate (and yet forgive) anyone for the innocence they stole from one i love

9) i've never had to attend the funeral of an immediate family member

10)i've never had to relocate due to social or political circumstances beyond my control

wow- this list was totally easy... and it opens the door to a prayer that will probably take me through the rest of the day...

"God thank you for sparing me from so much of life's pain. please use me to be an instrument of your healing in this world where pain has become the feeling of life..."

what's your list look like?

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Thursday, October 05, 2006


"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one!"

~ C.S. Lewis

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Sunday, October 01, 2006

control crisis

"i just want more God- is that selfish?"
he asked.

desiring more of God is not selfish- it's actually selfless.

God's original intention for us before we cocked it all up by trying to take charge was that we would have unrestricted access to him. instead, we chose to seize control for ourselves, cursing ourselves and the world in which we live and effectively creating a market for locks out of thin air... nice trade.

almost as a rite of passage, each of us buys into the curse (lest we blame adam and eve for it all) taking a bite of rebellion for ourselves- not once, but pretty much daily.

in order to experience God the way it was supposed to be, we have to stop self-indulging and surrender our every breath to him as an act of worship...

we have to desire more God